Sunday, January 26, 2014

what I want in a girl

So this is feeling like my last single phase, and I kind of believe the nonsense that when you're aware of what you want in life it's more likely to happen, so this list.

1. I want a girl that smells like a girl.

(This could be the entire list.)

2. Well, she ought to be pretty smart or else I'd get bored with her---but I don't even know if that's true anymore because so clearly the next one is what I like the most in women (also people, but they don't count).

3. Earnestness. Tied into earnestness, I think, are sweetness and curiosity.

(This list is already somewhat pointless. Who is ever going to say they're looking for an insincere, harsh person who isn't interested in anything? Nobody. But I will charge forward!)

4. A lady who enjoys touch. I couldn't hang with some WASPy gal who was worried about me wrinkling her clothes because all I want to do is wrinkle her clothes, in hay, on a couch, even standing up at a formal event. Always. Touching. Cuddling, etc.

5. I've come to appreciate a little vanity in a woman. Self-conceptualizing as beautiful. Liking being/feeling/making oneself pretty. I'm okay with all that. I like women who look like art.

6. Ambition. It's okay if this week she's mopping the floors cause next week she'll be on the fries.

Tied to ambition--maybe the source?--is passion. I want a woman who believes in things. Has a cause. Who sees herself as an agent of change. 

7. I want to put having a yoga practice on this list but I will not. But some sort of fitness or sport. Like dancing. Oh, dancers. Oh. Oh. Dancers.

8. Religion is a tricky one. I've hung out with some Christian girls and I've found their faith to be world expanding. The downside there is I don't want to have to go to church and Jesus is alright with me but we'll never be close like that. I want a spiritual woman though. Life is not self-evidently worth living enough to not have some sort of faith.

9. The New York Times. Even if it's just the nonsense sections, she has to take some enjoyment in the paper or it all devolves into madness from there.

I did kinda briefly date a woman who didn't like The Times because she said it was an establishment conservative rag, and instead she read more revolutionary things. That's the only exception---I loved that about her.

10. She does have to genuinely like my writing. It feels like a long time since I dated someone who I felt was, like, excited to read my stuff. I want that. I maybe need that.

11. Sex, right? I want a woman who likes that and who feels free in that (or who at least wants to like it and feel free in it.)

12. Here's a big one: giving the benefit of the doubt. Because I will say dumb things that I didn't mean to come out like that.

13. Forgiveness is another. On the spot, when one sincerely apologizes, the other forgives. And apologizing, of course! Fuck pride----it's about love.

14. I want a girl who tells me when I've had enough to drink, but also who tells me when I need a drink.

15. I'd like a girl who enjoys hosting dinner parties with me. I want those to be a big part of my life, no matter what else is going on. I want our relationship to feel like something grounding for the people we care about.

That about sums it up.

Now I'm going to start enjoying this single phase because not enjoying being single is far too much of a drag anymore and one day married Jesse is going to shout back at this phase Jesse for being a sulky tit in his/my apartment when there was so much fun to be had out there.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

What I've been writing lately

In case your deranged childhood, perverted heart, CEASELESS boredom, or an inexplicable sense of guilt and/or foreboding has led you to enjoying my writing, I've done a bunch of it lately. Here are some links, if that's what you're into.

From dis blog:

answers to the questions people ask me. 

The only thing more narcissistic than a personal blog is commissioning a giant oil painting of your head on the body of a silken purple puma that's riding a motor scooter along with my baby girl Kim. But it's a close call.


My New Year's resolutions for 2014. The New York Times and Wall Street Journal got into a bidding war over this one which was so fucking tiresome that I just published it here and then ate a whole thing of peanut butter in one gulp.

20 Stray Do it Ourselves Public Art Concepts for the Arts District 

Because the arts district.

the aperture and the whale 

I stole most of this one from that Clint Eastwood speech with the chair.

a blog not about when the lid flies off the blender

I heard on NPR that this is the last thing David Foster Wallace read before he killed himself.

Somebody hold me to this

You may as well not read this one. I wrote it from the bottom of the bathtub half asleep, all I could hear my mom's shouting at me to dust the blinds and 7th grade me bouncing a basketball into the tub over and over and over again.

In other news, the other night I was sleeping with a pillow between my legs. I woke up and that pillow was soooo warm and I realized, I can totally turn around and pretend this warm pillow is a person spooning me while I fall asleep. It was awesome. I'm so whole.

My last few months on AltDaily, which I'm kind of editing again:

Obama Acknowledges Marijuana Prohibition Hypocrisy, Says Weed No Worse Than Drinking

Thoughts on Guiding America toward the Revolution It Has Been Waiting For

Did you hear the one about The Pushers starting a comedy theater and improv school in the Norfolk Arts District?

Norfolk's History & Future Weaving Together: Fort Tar Lofts, on the Edge of the Arts District

Coming to the Arts District: The Parlor on Granby

It's Real this Time: Hurrah Players are Officially Coming to the Norfolk Arts District

The Texaco Building is Under Contract

Call to Artists: $10,000 Mural in the Norfolk Arts District
Your Chance to Curate a Gallery at The Chrysler

AltDaily Buy Local Only & Forever Shopping Guide

Local Guy Directs Video for Beyoncé, Named Most Legit Out of Maury Ever
There's an Ancient Ocean Underneath the Chesapeake Bay. No Biggie. 

Revels with a Cause

Interview with the Curators: Humanus Spiritus Animalus
The Magic of Mandela

How do we get more regular people to recycle?

Downtown Norfolk Scuttlebutt 

Video: Booker T. Washington Band Surprises Local Recycler

5 numbers that will make you question how America honors its veterans

The Conservative Movement and the Perversion of the Christian Ideal
Fun Timelapse of Downtown Norfolk
Freemason Rallies Around Its Small Businesses
Unsung Heroes in the Hampton Roads World of Arts & Culture

Top 10 Reasons to Come to Fight Club Tonight 

How I feel about this post: 

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Somebody hold me to this

Somebody hold me to this:

I won't have another conversation about abortion, but I'll talk endlessly about ways to keep all (undeniably living) children safe, fed, and educated.

I won't have another conversation about gun rights, but I'll talk all day about how we can improve mental health care so we can cure everyone crazy enough to think they have the right to zap away another life.

I won't have another conversation about the 'truth' about God, but I'll talk all night about how to live the way any old God would want us to.

This is a little different, but I won't have another conversation about marijuana law reform with anyone who a) drinks or b) has never tried it and is only talking crazy about stoned boogeymen.

I won't have another conversation about standardized tests because maybe if we ignore them they'll go away--that's how they teach teachers to deal with problem students, anyhow, ignore them.

I won't have another conversation about laws with anyone who believes that people learn from punishment, or who doesn't believe in the power of personal redemption.

I won't have another conversation about the social safety net with anyone who thinks a child born into poverty has equal opportunities to someone born middle class or wealthier because it makes me feel too crazy and sad.

We only have so much damn airspace to talk about anything! As the oracle said, ain't nobody got time for that.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014


For 2014

1. care about other people's problems more than my own.

2. know that if the primary values are to be present, humble, and grateful all positive outcomes will flow from there.


4. more jokes with little sister, more good talks with big sister.

5. call mom 10x as much.

6. do yoga with eyes closed--- find the light.

7. don't be embarrassed about talking to God.

8. advocate for art that ignites a sense of wonder + whimsy in people who don't feel those things enough.

9. think about girls less. ex-girlfriends. future partners. getting laid. flirting. all of it. fuck all of it.

10. less comfort, more exploration.

11. find a way to be useful with marijuana law reform.


13. find a way to spend time with Fish, Jake, Alistair, Brown, Ronnie, Jojo, Knoxxy, Johnny, Kevin, Ken Mark Waslh, Fabi, Sundari, Beth Uriel family, Mayhew, Adam, Mikey.

14. consider being a vegan but don't do it.

15. be a more careful copy editor.

16. never get fat. never be angry or raise my voice. pay as many bills as possible. don't look like a schlub as often as possible.

17. cry more.

18. live in the eternal simultaneously with this realm.

19. but definitely make love, tho. honestly, man.

20. stop worrying about being a weirdo and just be a weirdo.

The picture came from here.