Sunday, January 26, 2014

what I want in a girl

So this is feeling like my last single phase, and I kind of believe the nonsense that when you're aware of what you want in life it's more likely to happen, so this list.

1. I want a girl that smells like a girl.

(This could be the entire list.)

2. Well, she ought to be pretty smart or else I'd get bored with her---but I don't even know if that's true anymore because so clearly the next one is what I like the most in women (also people, but they don't count).

3. Earnestness. Tied into earnestness, I think, are sweetness and curiosity.

(This list is already somewhat pointless. Who is ever going to say they're looking for an insincere, harsh person who isn't interested in anything? Nobody. But I will charge forward!)

4. A lady who enjoys touch. I couldn't hang with some WASPy gal who was worried about me wrinkling her clothes because all I want to do is wrinkle her clothes, in hay, on a couch, even standing up at a formal event. Always. Touching. Cuddling, etc.

5. I've come to appreciate a little vanity in a woman. Self-conceptualizing as beautiful. Liking being/feeling/making oneself pretty. I'm okay with all that. I like women who look like art.

6. Ambition. It's okay if this week she's mopping the floors cause next week she'll be on the fries.

Tied to ambition--maybe the source?--is passion. I want a woman who believes in things. Has a cause. Who sees herself as an agent of change. 

7. I want to put having a yoga practice on this list but I will not. But some sort of fitness or sport. Like dancing. Oh, dancers. Oh. Oh. Dancers.

8. Religion is a tricky one. I've hung out with some Christian girls and I've found their faith to be world expanding. The downside there is I don't want to have to go to church and Jesus is alright with me but we'll never be close like that. I want a spiritual woman though. Life is not self-evidently worth living enough to not have some sort of faith.

9. The New York Times. Even if it's just the nonsense sections, she has to take some enjoyment in the paper or it all devolves into madness from there.

I did kinda briefly date a woman who didn't like The Times because she said it was an establishment conservative rag, and instead she read more revolutionary things. That's the only exception---I loved that about her.

10. She does have to genuinely like my writing. It feels like a long time since I dated someone who I felt was, like, excited to read my stuff. I want that. I maybe need that.

11. Sex, right? I want a woman who likes that and who feels free in that (or who at least wants to like it and feel free in it.)

12. Here's a big one: giving the benefit of the doubt. Because I will say dumb things that I didn't mean to come out like that.

13. Forgiveness is another. On the spot, when one sincerely apologizes, the other forgives. And apologizing, of course! Fuck pride----it's about love.

14. I want a girl who tells me when I've had enough to drink, but also who tells me when I need a drink.

15. I'd like a girl who enjoys hosting dinner parties with me. I want those to be a big part of my life, no matter what else is going on. I want our relationship to feel like something grounding for the people we care about.

That about sums it up.

Now I'm going to start enjoying this single phase because not enjoying being single is far too much of a drag anymore and one day married Jesse is going to shout back at this phase Jesse for being a sulky tit in his/my apartment when there was so much fun to be had out there.