Monday, June 23, 2008

Feeling like a man, blogging like a woman

As you all know, at one point I had a relationship with a beautiful South African ballerina/aristocrat. I chased her across the world more than once, her family threatened to kill me, and the like. Real Romeo and Juliet kind of stuff. Anyway. It's been a long, hard process for me to (gulp) accept that it's over. I'm a fighter, you see, and I like to consider myself a winner... so unhappy endings are never easy for your boy Jesu to accept.

But that's not the point of this blog. In the past few weeks I've had dreams that I was going to marry Winona Ryder and Tina Fey (separate dreams). In both cases I thought (in the dream), "Well, at least I get to marry Winona Ryder/Tina Fey. That's pretty cool."

Why would I have such ornery dreams? Maybe...
a) I'm a retard. 
b) I believe that when people go through hard times they are repaid with good times (see: Even Steven). 
c) Being a vegetarian has turned me into a woman who actually dreams about getting married. 

This is all very troubling. I'm staying on this family farm right now, and they've got a tiny-ass baby. I love the little guy. He's a real sweetheart. Every time I hold him I think about having one of my own. Once when I was holding him I even looked at myself in the mirror. This kind of thing isn't supposed to happen to men. Men aren't supposed to pretend other people's babies are their own, and at age 29 they're not supposed to dream about the girl they had a flame for WHEN THEY WERE 10, and, in general, I should probably care more about kicking people's asses and maybe even NASCAR. 

Go Jeff Gordon. I love you Rainbow Warrior!!!!?!!! 

Shit. That's not really any better. 

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